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Hello friends.
Awhile ago I sent my crusty iPhone in to get fixed by Apple because of a recall dealing with the satellite. I effectively had spotty or no service on my phone for a couple of weeks. I honestly didn’t even notice it until a week or so in because - being at home literally 90% of the time and connected to WiFi, what did I need phone service for? I also not-so-secretly enjoyed the irreproachable excuse of a lack of device for my lack of immediate response to any messages. However, through a series of hoop-de-dos, Apple effectively “lost” my phone in the system and it was a 5 week journey to get it back. Or rather, get a replacement finally. So up until recently I was about 2 months without a phone. And oh - the bliss. It was the best of both worlds, really. In this interim I used my computer to text folks who had an iPhone and Instagram DMs to connect with friends who were iPhone-less. It became my “landline” of sorts and I felt like all my dreams were coming true. My favorite part about watching movies from the 80s and 90s is the lack of constant access to people. *Someone leaves a message on their home phone - they don’t get it till later - the whole plot of the movie ensues*. I didn’t feel completely disconnected or “off the grid” but I wasn’t accessible 24/7 and I couldn’t access content 24/7. Life got quieter. And slower. And more reflective. I could somewhat partially participate in a digital life but not be ruled by it. The first week without my phone, Dusty and I went up to Berkeley to go visit my sister. She lives in a co-op with 25 other people and being quarantine and all, we stayed in her room for most of the time while she went up and down the three flights of stairs to bring us food. (Something I not-so-quietly relished from the younger sister who used to notoriously disappear once dishes needed to be done after dinner.) There would be 20 minutes or so while she was cooking and we were sitting upstairs where, if I had my phone, I would have been mindlessly scrolling. Instead, I brought out my deck of cards and played solitaire on the floor. I felt small again - and simple. Like the old lady I have always wanted to be. Since the dawn of mass smartphone usage I have been wary of the constant access. Back when I first came into possession of an iPhone, I immediately was researching apps that limited access because I knew myself. I even tried canceling my texting with my phone service. But you literally can’t do that. You have to have texting on your phone. How crazy is it that we can't even opt out of a direct line of communication?
When I finally received my replacement phone - a day I was NOT in fact looking forward to - I made a decision to not re-download Instagram. I enjoy limitations. Not just enjoy - need them. But since social media is a 24/7 cycle, there is no rest. I have to admit the addiction. We all joke about it - being addicted to social media or whatever else on the internet, but I really do recognize it cognizantly as a behavioral addiction, at least for myself. I found myself - and still find myself - reaching for my phone in a bored moment to scroll and then putting it back down because I remember that there’s no entertainment for me on there anymore. I had my phone there to use for what I had truly missed it for - which was documenting and filming little moments. But I also love sharing those moments, and the feeling of brain *pings* and connection when other people enjoy what I share as well. I would like to clarify that this is not a shaming of social media usage at all. Nor even condemning the act of sharing moments in our life to the etherworld. I mean, anyone who has followed me knows I love capturing those strange in between moments and sharing them. The act in and of itself - the documentation and the putting it out into the world is a meditative and intrinsically valuable and fun thing to me. I love seeing how other people live, how they wash their vegetables, how their mom reacts to a meme. These are especially important "slice of life" moments that are even necessary in this time of immense distance. But what happens when we can't keep our hands and eyes off of it?
I highly recommend to every person who hasn't yet - to take a break from social media, and a significant one. You’ve probably been thinking about doing it anyways. At least, that’s what I’ve been hearing from a lot of my friends. Not just a couple of days, but a month would be my professional doctoral prescription. Since Instagram has become a hotbed for information spread (which has been proven equally highly effective and highly dangerous) we feel hesitant to step away. What if we miss out on something important? Which is why we should be examining where we get our information from in the first place. Check and cross-check. Over a year ago I started subscribing to news focused newsletters to keep me in the know, and I highly recommend this. It's a way to stay informed but not be over stimulated by the vast sea of information on the internet and social media. In my next issue, I'm gonna fan-girl about newsletters and share some of my favorites - and if you have any you recommend as well - let me know!
From my experience, the first couple of days of unbuttoning the skin from my digital avatar felt weird, but refreshing. I wouldn't have even called myself someone who placed much importance on Instagram and felt like I had a pretty healthy relationship to it. I posted what I wanted and when it felt natural, and even would ignore it off and on regularly. But my reflexes even while I was phone-less to rummage through my bag in a down moment to look for a phone that literally was not there was fascinating and disturbing to observe in myself. As time went on, and weeks went on, I started to wean my habit or my desire to check messages and goings-on. It didn't dictate my brain space anymore.
Likewise with this whole lockdown situation and the halt of our economy and the normalcy of our day to day lives, I would not have stopped to examine where I was going if not for a forced and prolonged full stop. Being outside of the active social media realm for 2 months, essentially outside of our normalized culture, my pervasive thought has been - What are we doing? At the risk of sounding like some doomsdayer or your conspiracy theory aunt - It seems like we are allowing these social media companies to dictate how we spend our time. To allow others to tell us how we should conduct ourselves and speak, to tell us what is important - that spending your time crafting an online presence is important. We must work to maintain our internet self or else we don’t exist. Our activism is contained to how many instagram powerpoint slides we’ve consumed and shared. Aside from my closest friends, I didn’t think about my friends as much who weren’t on social media. They start fading. And once I was put on this forced break - I started fading. And to be honest, it felt really good. Like I could breathe for the first time in a while. Like I could learn important information at my own speed. Like I was just a fleshy human with no presence to maintain.
I notice that my (mostly older) family members were increasingly frustrated by my lack of access via phone, which in turn frustrated me by their frustration. I see them at least once a week yet I would be hasselled every time I came over because of my lack of mobile device. What did they need to tell me that I couldn't have answered within a few hours from my computer? What emergency might have occured that they couldn't reach me through my partner who was with me all the time? I asked them this continually and mostly they would focus on being absolutely appalled at Apple's lack of quick response to my situation. They felt more incensed than I did. And why? I was able to do most things communication wise, just slower. I wonder if it’s a generational thing? I often feel like the older generation is more obsessed with the convenience that a smartphone brings, while the younger generations, from growing up with it largely, are starting to get fatigue. The convenience seems to be a type of novelty and achievement of human advancement that should be worshipped and kept up with - but for what? They are baffled by my contentment with being disconnected. I mean, I get it in a way, they didn't come into these things until well into their established adulthood.
I don't feel like I'm saying anything that hasn't been said before, and which has surely been stated better in the one million articles already out there on this topic in a New York Times or Atlantic think piece. But I think the sentiment is, I hope, important to continue to share and re-iterate. I muse on all of these things out loud with you because I’m just trying to parse it out. I love sharing moments in my own life, and I love seeing my friends’ weird takes and tiny glimpses of their lives far away. I love feeling a small spark of connection with someone I don’t know in person. It makes me sad that I feel like I can no longer do that without my brain going numb and melting a bit with all the other ads and chaotic editing and the general race to “brand” and commodify and cancel and co-opt. So I’m trying to come up with boundaries for myself, and I feel like I’ve had a good amount of time to come up with some solutions that work for me specifically. One is this newsletter, because I do enjoy sharing and putting images and thoughts out onto a platform. It is nice and helpful, especially with my spastic mind. Sending out a letter twice a month to filter through thoughts and experimental makings otherwise relegated to my “paralyzing fear” or “instant gratification” files seems like a better and more intimate antidote to both of those options. It is my own continuation of “the landline effect”. Am I going to pretend that I am a struggling adult narrating their life in the 90s in my head, computer desk posed by the window, looking out wistfully? Absolutely. Does this appeal to my sentiments? Greatly. Am I getting too wrapped up in a nostalgia for “days gone past”? Yes and no. This time away from constant social media consumption has truly rocked my brain and paradigm of what it means to be a modern human. Something I’m going to continue unpacking. Because no, I don’t wish to go back to some idealized form of pastoral peasantry (as much as I love the aesthetics of flowy dresses and baskets of flowers) because with that is a grave over-simplification of history and culture - and modern amenities and equal human rights rock. But do I feel like we have some serious and deep societal illnesses directly related to our over consumption and commodification of personal image and sense of “individuality”? Absolutely. Am I saying to hell with this late capitalism life-suck? You better believe it. I feel like imposed limitations and slowness are necessary antidotes to this race in our digital world. New information that shakes you comes your way? Research it. Sit with it. Talk to folks in person (or via phone call) about it. Then if you feel like it’s worthy information, share it. As with all things, this is a word and reminder to myself. We must help change the tide of the rampant hate rhetoric being spread. No one is changing their minds with our name calling behind a computer screen (or at the dinner table). An excerpt from Charles Baudelaire sticks with me often: “Everything that pleases has a reason for pleasing, and to scorn the throngs of those that have gone astray is no way to bring them back to where they ought to be.”
Look into your realm of information/content and ask whose voice you aren’t really listening to. Is it conservative people? Is it progressive people? Is it queer people? Muslim folks? Evangelical folks? We may say we “listen to all kinds of people” but do we? I don’t feel like I really did even though I said I did. Even while they may be spewing what you perceive to be (and what may in fact be) hate or “untruths”, what are they saying? What are they actually wanting to be heard? What do they feel like is not being addressed? Choose specific people, people you can actually connect to and relate with on some level. Be wary of lumping people in groups. Everyone has their “veering off” point in an ideology. Spend time and listen. It can even just be online - choose someone on YouTube or a blogger (do those exist anymore?) you don’t agree with but appreciate or like some aspect of what they post, and try to view their content openly and with kindness. This actually may be easier to do online - it is their platform with none of our objections or interruptions. You can still be critical, but listen first. Because let me tell you from personal experience - I have had more productive and even enjoyable conversations with people in my life who do not think similarly to me on many political issues since actively immersing myself in content that is typically contrary to my personal realm of thought. We still may seem to disagree on a lot fundamentally, but I feel like we were listening to each other for the first time. Let me take this moment to remind us all: It is within the interest of those in power - whatever “side” they may be on - to keep us divided. They encourage our hate because it binds us to them and fuses our loyalty. What do you think would happen if we actually started talking about policy in a nuanced and critical way rather than Right vs. Left? The pawns of our votes would be in peril. Our role as consumer would be threatened. Do not be afraid to critique your own loyalties or ideologies. This is growth. What is our goal? “They” tell us it is “progress” versus “preservation”. Do you want this or that? Option 1 or 2? Our goals and values may seem to be different, but I bet if we really got down to it we would realize, everyone just wants to live a good life in a “good” neighborhood. Travel a bit. Not work so hard. Feel connected where they live. Feel healthy. Not be in debt. Not fear those who are enlisted to serve and protect you. This is not an impossible dream. I want to believe it’s not an impossible dream. But I think the first step will have to be correcting our habits of rhetoric and our posture towards one another. Tune out the loud and the noise and listen. Oh - and bring back landlines! -Note: Don’t be scared - I don’t think every opening piece will be as long or as ‘serious’ as this one, I just obviously had a lot of time to think about these things. A lot. -
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