58 degrees and scattered thunderstorms

 (written on my phone because I’m trying out the blog app whatever ish thing)

 

It’s amazing how dark it can get in the middle of a day when the weather calls for thunderstorms. I usually respond to it by immediately becoming depressed. My natural state of function relies on the appearances of the sun throughout the day. Dusty will sometimes say that he “has a solar-powered girlfriend”. this is mostly quite true. Though today, I don’t really mind the dark. I’m remembering that the sun is still there - literally has to be there above me in the sky - but there’s just a curtain, another layer over it at the moment. It’s similar to my relationship with the midwestern winter this year. I’ve done a much better job of coping with it, reminding myself that it is only a season and the sun will be back to get into my pores and tingle my skin. It’s allowed me to relax a little more into the season. Enjoy it for what it is. 

sometimes. Until I I forget all these things again in 5 minutes and tempt myself to watch chopped jr episodes until the day is over. 

i walked to the library just now to pick up the book “outline” by Rachel Cusk I had on hold. I’m not really sure what it’s all about, but some people I follow in cyberspace really like her writing, so I thought I’d give it a shot.  

While I was checking out and paying my overdue fine, I picked this scab on the side of my nose that has been there for the past couple of months. I think it was an unfortunate placement of a small zit I had popped and happened to be on top of poorly placed blood vessel because every time i scratch it off again, it bleeds profusely for about 5 minutes. So while I was checking out, i scratched it accidentally and then it just started gushing blood and I tried hiding my face from the clerk and speed up the process because I could see the blood all over my hands now and the pool forming rapidly below my left eye about to make a huge splash all over my white shirt and the library carpet. I was mortified and hurried to the bathroom where I went through reams of toilet paper filled with blood one after the next. Then families came in and I’m standing there with all this bloody tissue and I’m at the mercy of this stupid blood vessel. how can so much blood come from one pore??fucking game of thrones on my nostril. maybe they’ll think it’s a bloody nose and not a bleedy zit. But why do I even care? It dried up eventually with just lovely tissue residue on my nose I can’t get off  

 

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currently at a coffee shop with really great coffee but it’s always so fucking busy and claustrophobic but it’s raining and I just got these books I’m excited to read (but now obviously not reading). I’m in between two, what I’m inferring to be, male theology students. Very clean cut, clean vapid jokes exchanged between the two of them. And I wonder - what do you REALLY think? Or do you really enjoy jokes about the rain? They enter back into their respective temples of pcs and type their clean cut thesis (theses?) in this clean cut coffee shop next to each other’s clean selves.