transcription from notebook -with some new thoughts-
-new notebook, who dis?-
this will not be a journal of only scattered to-do lists. it will return to being a sacred space for thought, aesthetic, scattered, terrified prayer, to regale the glories of sunbathing in the small winter light by the one good window. it will be slightly more intentional. a turn i am *trying* to make with myself this season. little by little. small chore by small chore. day by day. small things to nest and nurture the spirit. be brave. make choices that will nourish, inspire, extend capacity for life. remember. return. turn. turn inward / outward. allow ritual to guide, teach, comfort, challenge, upset, comfort, guide, teach
become a friend again with the self. whoever she is, wherever she went - or stayed. find mother god. or you know what, find non-mother god. divine women don't always have to be in a mother figure. find the god of the feminine, of the wild woman. one who can hunt and breastfeed in the same day. find femininity. i am desperate for it. i am thirsting. the old has gone, the new has come. repaint my eyes.
even now, i feel my small sliver of sun fading, and in it, my will to keep here, writing, in my sanctuary. i feel the chill already creeping into my elbows. like that something that wants to pull me down. turn my face away from sun, light, dawn, rebirth.
but remember - the sun will be back. the sun never hides for long. what will i do in the meantime?